Holy Spirit?

Why?
almost 10 years I had prayed for it.
And i still cant get it.
Why?
God dont like me?

Always i wish to change.
At the end, Im still the same.

Act, as a strong guy.
Yet, i am damn weak.

I really want to change!
But why I cant make it?
Why always fail?
Why I am so weak?

I just lost my heart!
Losing my faith!

Blamed God for not giving me Holy Spirit.

Sorry.

I am so wrong.
I am so weak.

Sigh....

Such a useless guy...
wasting oxygen on earth.
Can i end my sucks life here?